I’m sure, that you had that dream of the big day in white already, right? No woman is immune to that forever, it is somehow part of life. But it must be “the right one”.
Even if you’re not one of those women who get wet eyes when it comes to marriage, even if you think all the frippery like carriages, dress, and pigeons are completely overrated – as soon as a relationship gets a little more serious, you start to ask yourself: Is he the right guy to marry? We will clarify that here.
The problem is: The man proposes
These thoughts are not foreign to men either. But they like to keep a low profile. Whether a man is ready for this step is often difficult to determine. Unfortunately, the wedding proposal is traditionally a man’s business. You can of course ask if he doesn’t even want to ask you – but that somehow spoils the romance.
Even a proposal from a woman is still not welcome (why actually?). So if he doesn’t say anything, this state of suspense remains until he moves. Or you help a little, in one direction or the other.
What do I do if he does not want to marry me?
In the end, all that remains is waiting and maybe a little pushing, a thankless role. You can’t be satisfied with that in the long run.
So if he simply doesn’t ask the crucial question, and you are unsure whether he is the right person to marry, you should study our checklist. And draw the necessary consequences.
What are the signs that he does not want to marry me?
There is not one decisive sign that he will not go to the altar. Unless maybe he says so explicitly. But there are a number of signals and characteristics that make a marriage between you two very unlikely.
Here you will find a few pretty sure signs that he is not (yet) ready to marry you. One alone is not a drama – but if several criteria apply, you should reconsider the relationship in general.
1. He cannot (or will not) make important decisions
Men who find it difficult to make decisions about small things in everyday life are not very reliable marriage material either. For example, if he often hangs in the air at work or cannot decide where he would actually like to live most and is not necessarily a bundle of decision-makers, then he obviously does not really know himself yet.
How should such a man be able to decide on something as stable as marriage? In this situation, it does not help to put him under pressure. But you have to ask yourself if his behavior will still change – and if you want to wait that long.
2. He is planning his future without you
Men like to dream big. In 10 years he wants to be the boss of a giant company, including a luxury apartment and sailing boat. Or he raves about emigrating to Brazil, opening a beach bar, and surfing the whole day long.
No matter which dream castle your lover may build – the question is: Will you be in it? Is he talking about “we” or just about himself? And when he says “we” – does he care what you think about it? Does he ask you what you think about Brazil and whether you also feel like surfing?
Even if his dreams may be absolutely unrealistic, they are often an unmistakable sign of whether he’s planning your future or whether he’d rather see himself as a lone wolf or possibly with a completely different partner at his side.
3. He also does not ask about your long-term goals
A man who plans his life with you is interested in your dreams and ideas. After all, he wants to know if he has a place in it, where there is overlap, where compromises may have to be made.
Do not misunderstand: He doesn’t have to ask every single detail, but if he doesn’t show interest in your future, he most likely won’t see himself there either. You will certainly wait a long time for a marriage proposal from such a man.
4. He cannot deal with conflicts
Relationships are hard work and yes, arguments do happen. But if you quarrel, does he go completely crazy or first try to explain calmly what bothers him? Is he interested in solving the problem or just getting rid of his anger? Does he confide in you when he is upset or does he shut you out?
Remember, if even the slightest disagreement is enough to start a huge argument, it does not bode well for larger conflicts that deal with far more serious issues that are common in a marriage. And you may not want to be married to someone who makes such an elephant out of every molehill.
5. He avoids your family
Not every kale meal at your aunt’s should be decisive for the war when it comes to whether or not it makes enough of a contribution. But if every visit to your parents or family leads to discussions or quarrels, if you actively avoid and avoid these situations, then it becomes difficult.
There is no question that whoever chooses a partner does not have to love their entire family. But there is actually some truth in the saying that for better or worse you somehow “marry” the other person’s family. Ultimately, a wedding is not just a family celebration – it connects two families in a very special way. It turns many people into brothers-in-law. This must be conceivable at least for you as a bridal couple.
6. He is afraid of doing business together
You live together, share table and bed, go on vacation together, share virtually your whole life with each other, but when it comes to paying, he categorically insists on 50:50? Difficult.
That a relationship (also in financial terms) should ideally be balanced is certainly true. But what if one of you should lose his job? Would the other one help out immediately without batting an eyelid and stand-in for his partner – even if the money would be gone for an uncertain period of time? You should seriously ask yourself this question in a relationship. Whether you would be willing to do it yourself and whether you believe that your partner would do the same.
An important indication, if you already do business together: Does he agree with you on major purchases or does he simply buy the new motorcycle without informing you beforehand? The justification for going it alone in retrospect is often “Why? It’s my money too!” He’s right, but what if this means that the vacation together can no longer be financed? The fact is that a common future means that financial matters are also discussed together – it doesn’t matter who earns more.
7. He keeps your friends at a distance
Accepting you also means accepting your environment, starting with your family, continuing with your circle of friends. This does not mean that he has to like your best friend as much as you do or that he has to be reserved with criticism of your circle of friends.
However, if the sympathy is completely lacking and he doesn’t even try to get to know your friends better, then you should seriously ask yourself whether he is really the right person for something permanent.
8. He does not stand by you in front of his friends
No question: No woman should expect her partner to be able to be present at her men’s evening. Also that both partners have their circle of friends and certain constellations simply do not “fit” is certainly the most normal thing in the world.
However, if you have the feeling that your boyfriend deliberately excludes you, constantly gives you the feeling that you somehow don’t belong, and in the worst case, perhaps even denies you, this not only hurts but is a pretty sure sign that he is the wrong one.
9. He often criticizes small things
He doesn’t like you to wear make-up more often? He is not a fan of the fact that you sometimes take time off to spend more time with your friends? Or does it bother him that you talk to your sister on the phone so often? Oh, dear.
If he constantly expresses his displeasure about small things that you take for granted, then he can’t handle the bigger ones. Save yourself the trouble. You’re sure to find someone else who’s right for you or someone who’s simply better suited to you and your dreams.
It is normal for someone to get little cold feet when it comes to marriage. But if several of these signs are familiar to you, you might want to reconsider the relationship. For now, it’s not about getting married at all, but about the question of whether you can imagine a life for two.